Sunday, November 15, 2009

Something a little different for me

Hi Everyone,

This posting is a little bit off the wall for me but as my surgical dates approach all to rapidly I find myself doing a little bit of reflecting.

First I am blown away with all the kind words that I have received from the ladies that I attended Creative Escapes with. Many of you I spent but a few moments and at most a few hours with and your support and well wishes have touched my heart. I am really looking forward to being more active on the boards and seeing many of you next year.

I have had amazing support from my collegues at work....I honestly felt that I could disappear and wouldn't be missed but this week I discovered how valued I was. I wish for everyone that at some point in their life that will experience this feeling.

I miss my Mom.......yes she is just a phone call away....but she is the only person that is really close to me that can understand that you can look one way in the morning and in the evening your not quite as you remember. She is my best friend and while I know the move to Calgary was the best for her and my Dad, I do miss her like heck.

Will I miss my breast itself.... no, I miss my hair way more and yes it is now growing back but it is very very dark brown and alas it now contains grey. But even though I know I may not lose the whole breast there is something about the process that plays with your mind.

Please don't get me wrong........I am in no way complaining, because I truly have nothing to complain about.....I look at Noelle and follow her never ending battle to stay alive and I know that this will be a walk in the park of life. I look at the hardships suffered by my Mom and Grandmother's and I know that this is but a blip in the radar and that I have the genetic material and fortitude to handle this with all the grace that they did.

Life does change in ways that you least expect....and a few hurt a lot....but for each person that has pulled out of my life or backed off to a safe distance I have had people that I least expected to step up and take my hand over the rocky bits. It has brought my children back to a point where I can enjoy spending time with them again not because they think I am dying......but because they have seen the importance of forgiving and moving past old hurts. I would do this all again for that reason alone. I had the greatest gift of all from someone that I didn't expect I would and that was a discussion of discovery and understanding.....what I mistook for indifference was a deep seated fear that caused them to keep me at arms length. After hours of talking and chatting there is now a potential to repair what I thought was broken and soon to be thrown away. I look forward to the day when those that are to afraid to be close now......feel safe to come back into my life...I understand.

I am strong.....or stubborn call it what you will........but I have learned that if I concentrate my will and effort I can overcome anything. So when this battle is finished I feel that I can now dig in and make some other goals and dreams a look out scrapping world I am gonna be out there sharing my passion for scrapping and start teaching not just big urban stores but for little communities that would like to have a someone come and teach them new techniques. From there I will plan my next step.........and I will achieve and succeed.

Well its time to go and rest......don't want to be run down now. So thanks everyone for letting me ramble and reflect on how lucky I am to have this life, challenges and all.



Nikki Love said...

you will be in my prayers daily. I am still suffering from the loss of my MIL from breast cancer so it warms my heart to hear such words of strength from a survivor. Thanks so much for sharing. Happy Monday :)

coRinne not connie said...

you are the bestest DawnDawn - i'm thinking of you and praying loads. ((hugs)) and you have loads of strengths - you RAWK Chickie!

Helen Mills said...

Dawn. You sound so strong and well - I totally admire your upbeat attitude - you go girl!

Shannon said...

Dawn you have such a wonderful and positive attitude...I know that it will bring you through this....hugs

Anonymous said...

Dawn, prayers, thoughts and love comes your way from me always. Your thoughts have just hit a little closer to home for me and my family lately. Remember that I am just a call away. Love you my dear friend. You and your strenghth always amaze me.

Luv, Janet

Kate said...

You know you are in my prayers ALWAYS! You go girl. I missed you at SK Scraps...heard you had dropped in. See you tomorrow night? {HUGS}